Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Tired...

I've become so tired of being criticized for every little thing. I'm tired of struggling alone with my mental illness and that struggle NEVER being recognized. If it was cancer I had, I would have all kinds of support. But it's not. My illness is in my head (literally) and just as I was invalidated growing up (which did nothing but WORSEN the mental illness to begin with), I'm constantly invalidated now. Others can become angry, act out, do irrational things and not get called out on it. I do it and I'm crazy, my therapy isn't working, I will NEVER be anything but an angry person prone to violence. I'm SO tired of it. I'm SO tired of the lack of support, of fighting ON MY OWN all the time. The pain is real. It may be inside and people can't see it but there are times it is deep and dark and completely and utterly overwhelming. And all I want to do is run away. I want to withdraw and hide and do everything possible to numb the pain because really, that's all I have. I only have myself to get through it because everyone else just stands there in judgement and tells me I have no right to feel that way.

I'm so tired of having to take care of everyone else when there is no one there to take care of me.

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