Wednesday, September 30, 2015

It's nice having a little time to myself.

John and the girls are off in Wisconsin Dells this week for the yearly Feast of Tabernacles event. Since I'm in my 4th week of school, I stayed behind and to be honest, I find it to be a nice 8 day vacation from the normal life of heavy responsibilities as a parent. That may sound mean but as an introvert, it's the recharging I desperately need and it gives me time to take care of myself, something I don't always have time to do when I'm taking care of three other people (yes, sometimes the husband needs as much care as the two girls!).

Today was a good example of this. For the last two years I have had an IUD. I do not want anymore children but going to a Catholic hospital does not make it easy to have a tubal done, especially when the one doctor who is able to at the other hospital has concerns about my size. An IUD was a good second choice and seemed to work fine until my period decided to go MIA for a week. There had been a report following the car accident we had over a year and a half ago that said my IUD was malpositioned (I had a CT done following the accident due to abdominal pain and other things). I brought it up with the OB who had me go in for an ultrasound which found the IUD not being where it was supposed to be.

So it came out and I had another one put in because at my age (along with a family history of blood clotting issues), I'm running out of options for birth control and I have no desire to just rely on the old "pull and prey" method. That's how I got Isabelle (my husband likes to call it the "meant to be" method). And while I'm quite happy with my second born, I fully feel that two is enough and I'm in nowhere near the physical or mental shape for another child, especially now that both girls are in school and I'm in school as well. While the procedure was pretty straightforward, I have been experiencing a little pain and cramping and it was nice to just be able to come home and rest and not have to worry about taking care of anyone else. It can be kind of tiring sometimes to constantly be on duty. And while I love my girls and miss them very much, I won't deny that it's nice to have a little time to myself to regroup and recharge.


Karen Loethen said...

OMGOSH, having my husband indoctrinate my children would KILL ME!
I've been wondering how you handle that...?

Janeen said...

At times, it's not easy. However, I am very hopeful that between their intelligence and the fact that I'm around with a different viewpoint, they will come to their own conclusions. My oldest already has said things to me that suggests that she does not mindlessly listen to what her dad says. His beliefs are so outside the mainstream to begin with that there's already a lot for her to compare and then when you consider that I'm an atheist and she's been out of the country and exposed to another culture (she may not remember a lot of it but I think it does have its impact), it all adds up. The way his church works with the heavy lecturing during services and not much in the way of a kid friendly service, a lot of it goes in one ear and out the other. So again, I'm very hopeful. She has told me that so far, she feels she's agnostic. She doesn't understand why the big deal against Christmas. She every so often sneaks pork at school.

It may change. She may get more into it or she'll rebel like crazy. I was one who really got into the church scene as a teen. Sixth, seventh, and eighth grade years I was this super devoted Catholic. I was in the church choir. I took part in the church services. I usually went to church by myself, walking to church (only seven blocks away but still) while everyone else was usually still in bed. For me, at the time, it was a way, I think, to escape some of the family insanity. I was also attending Catholic school so there was that too. Freshman year of high school, I started really questioning stuff. It didn't help that the religion teacher we had was a complete and total idiot. Losing my virginity 2 years later sealed it. It was how I dealt with the guilt.

So we'll see? All I can do is keep encouraging her and talking to her when she has questions. She'll talk to me. She doesn't talk to her dad as much (doesn't help when he falls asleep so easily). For a religion like my husband's to really thrive and survive, they need almost complete isolation because too much of the world deviates from his beliefs. Marrying someone like me was probably the biggest mistake he could make. lol And I wasn't religious when we married, was quite anti-religious at that time.