I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of carrying the load by myself. For close to two years, I have been alone dealing with all the trials and tribulations of being a single mother with two girls. I've dealt with the illnesses, the parent teacher conferences, the various afterschool activities, the show choir competitions, the pains, the sorrows, the frustrations with school work, and now a fucking pandemic that never seems to end.
And I'm just tired of not having someone there for me to help me. I'm tired of not having a moment to myself to just cry and cry hard, cry until I'm empty inside and all the poison inside of me has been washed away. I'm tired of having to smile, to say I'm doing okay, call after call after fucking call. I have to be happy. I can't let anyone know how I really feel. And day in and day out it is like this. There's no time, no break for me. The only way at this point I'm going to get a break is a trip to the hospital.
And I'm screaming out loud and no one hears me. I am screaming in the dark and in the void and I may as well be in space. No one hears me. My pain is becoming all encompassing and I can't get anyone to see who can help. I need help where is everyone? We're in the middle of a pandemic. That's great. That doesn't change the fact that I need someone now. I need someone to take care of me. And there's no one there. I'm alone and I will always be alone.
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