I can't do this anymore.

 I'm holding by the very thinnest of threads, trying to scream, my voice silent or it seems to be because no one seems to hear me. Can anyone hear me? I say I'm not doing well. I haven't been able to work for most of this month. I'm lonely, SO damn lonely for human contact, for someone, SOMEONE to give a damn and spend some time with me, actually ask me how I am doing and be there for ME without me having to give SO MUCH in return. I try and I try and I try to give people what they want but I never get back nearly what I give and it hurts, it HURTS. I just want someone to care what actually happens to me. If I were to disappear, would anyone even notice? Would anyone even care? I don't know anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being strong. I'm ALWAYS having to be strong. I'm sick to death of it. I don't want to be strong and have to keep going on in the face of all this shit. Because no one notices when you're strong, no one is there for you when you're strong. They just ignore you. I'm so tired of doing this all alone. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Have I not gone through enough in my life? Do I not deserve some fucking happiness? I'm just so so damn tired of it all.